PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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