saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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