by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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