shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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