I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
