Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
