If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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