I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
