True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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