I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
