By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
