She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
