i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
