God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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