tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
