i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
