I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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