i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
