So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
