I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
