I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
