North Korea, Best Korea!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
