Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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