I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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