Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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