Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
