i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
