did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We need to rekindle our bromance
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
