Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
