new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
