I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
