i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
