So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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