eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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