I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
