My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
