dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
