That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
