why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
