ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
