just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
