just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
