i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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