She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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