they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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