at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
