Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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