i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
