she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
