it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
