So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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