So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
