i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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