the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
