3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
