I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In other news, I just burned my penis
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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