the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
