You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
