and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize