sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
