saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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