I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Where is the hickey?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
